Protecting Yourself from Negatives

It’s been a long time since I share something on self care.

Here’s a great article that’s been in one of my duckduckgo browser’s tab, screaming at me from time to time since the start of the covid-19 pandemic, how did I miss not sharing this?

I especially like the mention to weigh the pros and cons of whether:

"To speak up, or not to speak up?"

However, as advised too in the article, more often than not, forgiveness truly is the most difficult at times, but the most effective. I would like to share a quote here from a friend in India, which has accompanied me the last decade:

“Forgive them, for they are not strong enough.”

Happy 2022 – Year of the Tiger

Usher in the Tigers from Singapore’s Chinatown Complex!
Sharing with you the giant God of Fortune that’s been shining at Singapore’s West Coast Market!

Wishing all a healthy, prosperous, good fortune, and covid-pandemic-coming-to-an-end year of 2022!

🏮🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🏮

Rich vs Poor: Rethink the Definition

Over the weekends, I have come across two youtube videos about reality of “great” country like US, and “rich” place like Dubai. I have never been to any of these places and therefore, have no idea about them, know nothing beyond what’s heavily marketed on the media.

Really shocking! Get me to reflect even more about what “wealth” truly is, and what kind of “wealth” is what human truly need.

US is Like (or Worse Than) a 3rd World Country?

Dubai – Are People there Too Rich Until the Brain is ?!?

Dubai is A Parody Of The 21st Century 😮🤔

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SacQ2YdVOyk


#rich #poor #wealth #thirdworld #US #Dubai #parody

Some Personal Take on NPD

I have been reading and gathering resources about narcissistic personality disorder and built reference links here for those who need help.

At the same time, I would like to give some personal two cents about the topic.

Right now, it can feel skewed to some people, that many of the focus seemed one-directional in “attacking” the narcissism. Nevertheless, it is important to get proper healing for those who have suffered the harm. Depending on the support and help available, the journey and the process of healing and rebuilding oneself can take a very long time. It is a constant recurring “struggle” against the voices and conditioning the persons have been put through all their life.

Whether or not narcissism can be fixed, that’s another matter to explore. I would like to share some teachings from Buddhism and Daoism that hopefully put “narcissism” in context from an overall human journey perspective.

In Buddhism, every living being has inherent pure true nature that is beyond life and death. For most of us, this pure true nature is heavily clouded by / deeply embedded with attachments and delusions. Depending on the complexity and degree of various forms of attachments and delusions we grasp and form our “reality”, and our reactions and management of them, different “personalities” and “characters” are formed, manifested, and evolved. As such, some of us may take a very long time, like many rebirths, to remove these layers bit by bit before uncovering the pure true nature that’s originally not subjected to any forms, feelings, perceptions, actions, consciousness, life, and death (<– check out the Heart Sutra). Some gurus have said that this original nature is one with all living things, all matters, and the universe. It is the same nature as God, Allah, Buddha, True Self, True Wisdom, Pure Love, The Truth, The One, The Light, etc., whatever one may like to call it. Some people are fast to attain “enlightenment” because they have practised a long time to “put down / let go” the whole chunks immediately.

Perhaps, so-called “personality disorders”, are merely a result of some corresponding habitual reactions (self protective in nature at the expense of others) towards some high level of certain attachments or delusions? 🤔

Anyway, with this open mind in context, narcissists or victims or empaths or majority normal or whatever and whoever, can learn and improve, uncover the pure true nature == “enlightenment”, and save all beings from sufferings. 🤔😎🤗🙏

#narcissism #narcissist #empath #victim #depression #selfworth #mentalhealth

To those who mourn 🙏🙏🙏

May those who have passed on rest in peace
May those who live to mourn find solace in this quiet prayer

Funeral Ikos

by John Tavener

Why these bitter words of the dying, o brethren,
Which they utter as they go hence?
I am parted from my brethren.
All my friends do i abandon and go hence.
But whither i go, that understand i not,
Neither what shall become of me yonder;
Only God who hath summoned me knoweth.
But make commemoration of me with the song:
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

But whither now go the souls?
How dwell they now together there?
This mystery have i desired to learn; but none can impart aright.
Do they call to mind their own people, as we do them?
Or have they forgotten all those who mourn them and make the song:
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

We go forth on the path eternal, and as condemned,
With downcast faces, present ourselves before the only God eternal.
Where then is comeliness? Where then is wealth?
Where then is the glory of this world?
There shall none of these things aid us, but only to say oft the psalm:
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

If thou hast shown mercy unto man, o man,
That same mercy shall be shown thee there;
And if on an orphan thou hast shown compassion,
The same shall there deliver thee from want.
If in this life the naked thou hast clothed,
The same shall give thee shelter there, and sing the psalm:
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Youth and the beauty of the body fade at the hour of death,
And the tongue then burneth fiercely, and the parched throat is inflamed.
The beauty of the eyes is quenched then, the comeliness of the face all altered,
The shapeliness of the neck destroyed; and the other parts have become numb,
Nor often say: Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

With ecstasy are we inflamed if we but hear that there is light eternal yonder;
That there is Paradise, wherein every soul of Righteous Ones rejoiceth.
Let us all, also, enter into Christ, that we may cry aloud thus unto God:
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

#mourn #solace #condolence #condolences #lifeanddeath

Rewrite My Slimming Target

7 Ugly Truths of Becoming Skinny After Being Fat

https://zitafontaine.medium.com/7-ugly-truths-of-becoming-skinny-after-being-fat-ecab91def33

This is such a great sharing! Didn’t occur to me that I can’t cut too much fats, not that I can easily cut fats. They are really like my longest and most loyal companion ever since my teen 🤷‍♀️. Especially now that I am in a desk-bound job, the cushion from the fatty layers of my bum does help a lot to sit comfortably for long hours. 😅

Ok, shall keep my BMI just nice around the border line. Yes!!! 💪

Source: edited from Here

#health #slimming #fat #skinny

Learning Points from Recent Off-Balance

Wow, how do I even start? I was knocked off balance in the recent drama where some people began once more hurling emotional upheavals, angry uproars, toxic accusations and condemnations, etc. Well, this is of course not the first time. Just that, last year, I was able to stay cool-headed and detached, for once in my life 😯! Instead of being pulled into self doubts and had my confidence shaken, usually. I was able to see then:

“This has nothing to do with me, whatever the anger that has arisen, is the insisted wrong perspective or understanding held by the person about me, it’s not what I truly am. Whatever actions or reactions employed by the person, were punishments to make sure I feel bad and responsible for the unhappiness and mess with which the person is consumed…..”

🤔

I was able to stay pretty rational and not have my mind and emotions stirred or influenced or psyched. For once, I could see clearly what had happened, and what might have been happening all these while.”

And so I thought, I have transformed finally, to be the person I have wanted to be: more rational, more cool-headed, less emotionally driven or confused, free from loops or traps of depression, so on and so forth! Hooray!!! 🤗 (It’s really been very long 20+ years of loner journey in identity search and self improvement. 😢😓)

Then, just recently, the same kind of drama have taken place once more. However, this time, I was shaken off balance, again 🤦‍♀️! A part of me was trying to fight/resist, and the process of defence even had my mind churn out retaliations (speech, thoughts, emotions) that are definitely unkind or even “evil” in nature 🤬. All in the mind, yes, because, this is not the person that I could yell back or fight back out-rightly. I could only bear or suffer in silence. In the past, I would take in everything and of course, ended up with lots of misery and sadness. Any signs of repelling thoughts was in turn self judged to be such a big “sin” or “crime”, that I have to self punish by forcing to swallow the feeling of guilt and shame. Drama is contagious and infectious, oh yes, thinking back, there’s too much unnecessary self-caused pain and damage in my life.

So, before I set start the entire self blame and self punishment ceremony again, I have to tell myself to courageously acknowledge and admit:
Yes, having such retaliative (unwholesome) thoughts show clearly that I can be turned into a devil in trying circumstances, I am far from perfection! It’s a work in progress, lots to improve on, can’t be complacent! 🧑‍⚖️👨‍⚖️👩‍⚖️

Ok, fine! Now, I have to settle this first:
Find back the balance, identity, sense of direction! 🔭📡

I was once again grappling with doubts of self worth, emotionally feeling unsettling, etc. For weeks, I couldn’t settle down, I tried to remember how I did it last year, no, temporarily unavailable. Bummer, why was I shaken or defeated once more? 😞

Previously there are a couple of great articles that I have come across which I told myself to sit on and reflect upon in this self-study blog:

https://auntygoyio.vivaldi.net/2021/06/07/self-study-stop-feeling-thinking-like-a-victim/

However, the arrival of the following one has set me thinking and reflecting even more arduously than what I have planned:

https://tdjmd.vivaldi.net/2021/06/15/how-not-to-take-things-personally-frederik-imbo/

I shared this with a few friends, and interestingly, after having some conversations / discussions with them, through online chats, some form of guidelines emerged. Well, at the same time, I also realize that apparently, most people are not that interested in such intense topics. Ok, am I too nerdy or intense or overwhelming? I don’t know. However the typing out process helps a lot, not sure now how to find proper outlet the next time round, with whom? Who? But that’s for another day to solve and crack. Before I went off topic again, let’s go!

Guidelines!

The message from the YouTube video: “How Not To Take Things Personally”, has consciously or subconsciously seeped into me in the span of a few weeks, like some sort of slow digestion taking place gradually, while I was attempting to tackle the above-described personal issues. Here is what I would elaborate further from this reflection project.

The order of strategy is important! Some of us who are mostly conditioned to “take on the blames regardless” would tend to adopt the second strategy first and get stuck for a very long time there. Having said that, well if you have always been operating on the order described below, I would recommend to experiment with the reverse order. You might see a different perspective!

First Strategy: It is NOT about me.

  • Listen to people’s intention
    • 10 people can be talking about the same thing or reacting in the same way, but the underlying reasons / intentions / values supporting their speech or actions can be very different from individual to individual.
      • E.g.: a group of people can be regularly discussing about current affairs, A and B are doing so because they enjoy the intellectual exchanges and debates, C and D are just being FOMO, D and E may be dead serious about finding solutions to these issues (D finds artistic ways to express them during free time, E is constantly looking to participate in sustainable projects and causes and enthusiastically rally others to join in), F and G are enjoying the feeling of superiority or “high” as they happily find faults to criticize the government or politicians. As time progress, the underlying differences might cause rifts amongst them to become more apparent. Disharmony or broken relationships can take place if no further communications and clarifications are made by all parties to agree to disagree.
  • People could be on an over drama mode over a small issue
    • this could simply be due to their own shortcomings or being overwhelmed at that time, e.g. unable to handle pressure, stress, at life’s breaking points.
    • they may be operating with a victim mentality which they have been conditioned unaware due to their upbringing or environment.
    • they may be operating with a victim mentality but on purpose for their own benefits.
    • they have been taking for granted and stuck on fixed expectations, so may need time to accept any new changes from me, or not and for that I have to respect their choices (while continue to explore positive changes alone).

If the above strategy does not work, then :

Second Strategy: It IS about me

  • Do some deep reflection on what I have to improve or have neglected
    • I may have downplayed the severity of matters due to lack of far and deep sight, knowledge or experience
    • I have been overreacting or in victim mentality when people are only just being casual with their comments
    • I may be in denial of reality when people are merely pointing out the truth
    • I may have been too self-absorbed or self-consumed that caused me to neglect the needs, values, and preferences of others.
    • It may be my own shortcomings or lack of trust that have restrained effective communication.
    • I may be too quick in making assumptions or passing judgements.
    • Etc. Etc.
  • Engage in self improvement process / projects
  • Simply be more sensitive of others’ needs, preferences, and differences next time

Well, to be fair, probably it’s best to review both strategies. As the old saying goes:
“It takes 2 hands to clap!” 🤜🤛

If you have more to add to the above, please leave your comments! I will update this blog to include any valuable input. 👌


#depression #victim #victimmentality #selfvictimising #selfvictimisation #selfvictimizing #selfvictimization #takethingspersonally #selfcare

Happy Dragon Boat Festival

It is on the 5th Day of the 5th Lunar Month in Chinese calendar.
Well, mainly, I want to share this poem, the reflection on the journey of life through the dumpling we ate during the festival.

人生如粽,不怕你有棱有角,就怕你肚里空空。

人生如粽,经得起热水沸腾,耐得住冷藏冰冻。

人生如粽,向糯米学会融合,向粽叶学会包容。

人生如粽,不捆绑就是一勺稀饭,不蒸煮哪有美味香浓。

祝端午安康顺心如意!

Life is like the glutinous rice dumplings – fearsome as your edges and corners may be, it is much more so to be with an empty (hungry) belly.

Life is like the glutinous rice dumplings – able to withstand the heat and boil, and bear through bitter cold and freezing storage.

Life is like the glutinous rice dumplings – we learn harmony / integration from the stickiness, and tolerance from the tight wrap (hug) of the leaves.

Life is like the glutinous rice dumplings – without the strong tightening of all together, it will just be a large scoop of porridge (watery scattering rice grains); without the long process of steaming and boiling, how can fragrance and deliciousness get brewed.

Here’s wishing all a peaceful relaxed and happy Dragon Boat Festival! (not exact translation, but still well wishes!)

😅😝 Pardon my attempt of translation (from further edit on google translate)
Please go ahead and share with me to improve the translation.

#dragonboat #dumpling #端午

Sharing: The Human Route

The Human Route

by the late Zen Master Seung Sahn

Coming empty-handed, going empty-handed—that is human.
When you are born, where do you come from?
When you die, where do you go?
Life is like a floating cloud which appears.
Death is like a floating cloud which disappears.
The floating cloud itself originally does not exist.
Life and death, coming and going, are also like that.
But there is one thing which always remains clear.
It is pure and clear, not depending on life and death.

Then what is the one pure and clear thing?

Source:
https://kwanumzen.org/teaching-library/1981/09/01/the-human-route


I have been quite delighted ever since joining vivaldi.net, there are so many wonderful posts and contents that are thought and soul provoking!

This poem comes to mind after reading something related and worth pondering here:

https://luckylars.vivaldi.net/2021/06/08/are-we-just-a-fluke/

#human #whoami #whatami #lifeanddeath #我是谁 #我是什么 #人? #何谓生死

Self-Study: Stop Feeling/Thinking Like A Victim

My journey has been pretty rough internally. Even though on the outside, it didn’t look as though I “deserve” or “should” be feeling/thinking like a victim, nor there “should” be any “reasons” or “excuses” to be feeling depressed or discontent in any way. So as what I have been constantly bombarded with and screamed at, and therefore have believed for a long time. Unfortunately, just unfortunately, despite all the so-called foundations and infrastructures that were provided which gave me “no right and no reason” to fail or survive poorly, I still “failed” and couldn’t help but constantly sank into misery and depression. I have also unknowingly developed some unhealthy habits of feeling/thinking/treating myself like a victim.

Imagine, the amount of work, fixes, and improvements to do constantly in the areas of self-esteem, self image, self confidence, identity search, etc., etc., etc.! Not to mention, when it’s coupled with challenges of trying to pull yourself up from every single failure in life one after another, and without much courage to get any human support. All you heard, be it voices that have come from external, or replayed repetitively from internal (with some that were self-created or exaggerated), were strings after strings of negative and toxic accusations: “you asked for it!”, “serve you right!”, “you are a big disgrace and embarrassment!”, “you are lazy and stupid!”, “you are totally worthless, useless and should just stop existing!”, “don’t you dare burden anyone with your problems, you ungrateful, immoral, selfish monster!”, etc. etc. etc.

Oh yes, it’s a very long journey of loner’s path. I would be dead long time ago without the help and guidance from some religious teachings and methods. These teachings taught and advised me to bite through and persevere, as suicide is thousands of times worse in the after life. It was an arduous journey of 20+ years, and in the end, it’s worth it. What doesn’t break you, build you. Well, to be accurate: what constantly break you, and in that you tried with whatever amount of effort available to try to get back up even that one inch, accumulate through time to build you. Thanks to the mercy, patience, compassion, wisdom teachings, from the various positive energies of the universe that reach out to me from time to time.

Am I still functioning with a victim mentality today? Maybe some, I don’t know. I only know that the learning journey is a lifelong process, wherever or whenever or whatever I am, there will always be better versions toward which to grow/evolve. Similarly, there’ll always be residues or areas of negativity and shortcomings to sort through and work on.

Recently, I have come across a few articles below, which will be my current companion and project upon which I will read, reflect, and put into practice from time to time. If there’s anything worth sharing from this self-study process, I will keep this blog post updated.

Are You Ready to Stop Feeling Like a Victim?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201801/are-you-ready-stop-feeling-victim

10 Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Victim Once and for All

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/10-ways-to-stop-feeling-l_b_8193216

How to Identify and Deal with a Victim Mentality

https://www.healthline.com/health/victim-mentality


#victim #victimmentality #selfvictimising #selfvictimisation #selfvictimizing #selfvictimization

Issues Faced By Intuitive People

Are you an intuitive person but you are not aware?

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-25715/10-signs-youre-an-intuitive-dont-know-it.html


If you find yourself constantly drained in energy or feeling unwell as time goes by after every recharge or rest, without knowing why:
– The medical doctors could not find any problems with your body system…
– You are pretty sure that you did not often think or feel negatively about anything or anyone…

You may be an empath who has some form of system (physical, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual) that’s acting like a sponge. That system of yours is constantly accumulating / absorbing energies of others or the environment without your knowledge / permission, as though it does not have a protective boundary. Please read up about “empath” and learn how to heal / ground yourself. Learn to establish a good space and bound, and give yourself this gap of time, to process and distinguish what permeates you, from what is your own generation, before deciding how you want to act or react to them. Don’t forget that not wanting to act or react is also an option. 😉

Note: Empath is a subset of Highly Sensitive Person. You can read up on the difference between empath and highly sensitive person (HSP).

#hsp #empath #intuition #intuitive